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Pirate 3: The Trilogy has run aground 
24th-May-2007 02:51 pm
I went this morning to see Pirate 3. At 9:40 am! Movies in the morning? Who knew?

Based on the fact that the bleeding movie is 3 hours long, it's a good thing. I'd have been well asleep if I'd gone at night.

As a foreword, I go to see movies for four reasons.
1) They remove me from reality and allow something that I think would interesting to happen...when it definitely could not happen in the confines of normal reality.
2) It is a period piece and I get to see fun costumes. I'm just a costume junkie.
3) It is an adaptation of a play/book/event that I thought interesting and I want to compare the two.
4) It stars an actor/actress that I have enjoyed performances from previously.

That doesn't mean I don't end up seeing some real trainwrecks that make me want to scrub my brain with bleach. But, generally, those are the four guidelines.

The first of the Pirates trilogy satisfied three of the four.
1) The movie was about Disney pirates...which don't hold a candle to the dastardly deeds of the real pirates. Therefore, they could be sympathetic characters and create a silly adventure.
2) Everyone's in a costume. More importantly, there are British navyboys in uniform.
4) Jack Davenport. Hilarious in Coupling, enigmatic in This Life.

Very enjoyable. Good job, Bruckheimer, et al.

Pirates 2 should have been a happy experience, but I felt as though they sold out some of the characters and played too much to the jokes and not the plot. The jokes were good, but they'd be better with a more intricate plot.

Today I saw Pirates 3, as I said.

Since the RSS feed to Aberdeen Blogs strips the cut, I'll remind everyone that SPOILERS will be below.

The plot for this one seems to be Jack wants to be immortal, Will must chose between Elizabeth and his father, Elizabeth must decide if she really wants to be a pirate, and freedom is better than order.

Jack gets loads of good lines in. He calls Will a 'yeasty codpiece', decides that he doesn't 'have the face for tentacles', calls a rowdy pirate fight 'politics', and then is back to insulting Will by calling him a 'tool' near the end.
It had been Jack's intention to stab Davy Jones' heart and become the captain of the Dutchman and live forever, but balks at the idea of having to leave this universe to ferry souls.

Will steps into his own as the romantic hero in this film. The interactions between Will and Elizabeth have become more than just lines. Orlando Bloom seemed to do some of his acting with his tongue, and I don't mean speaking or kissing. In a bizarre sort of way, it was well done.

Keira Knightley still falls short of the mark though. I've finally figured her out. She tries to maintain cute...which means she isn't convincing, nor truly beautiful. I'd like to remind everyone of the French proverb that intimates that to be truly beautiful, you must be truly ugly. The fact that she's aware of her own performance takes something away from what it could be.

However, Will does choose Elizabeth. They marry during the height of the battle scene and then Will goes to...well, it's not clear what he's planning on doing when he swings over to the Dutchman.

He's stabbed by Davy Jones when Jones realizes that Will and Elizabeth are in love. Jones thinks to make Elizabeth as miserable as himself, I suppose.

Before Will expires, Jack brings him to heart to stab. Will's father carves out his heart and Will becomes Captain Turner of the Flying Dutchman.

Elizabeth accepts her place as part of the pirates. She's even king for a while.

The supporting cast provide comic relief again as ever.

I was disappointed to see that Jack Davenport's character, James Norrington, was only in 4 scenes.

1) He's returned the Turner blade he received when promoted to Commodore in Pirates 1. He and Governor Swann share a look. Presumably, Norrington is questioning his loyalties.

2) Norrington comes onto the Dutchman with Davy Jones' heart. He sets Murtogg and Mullroy, from the first film, to guard it. (The prove to be Dweedle Dee and Dweedle Dum-like again.)

3) Norrington takes Elizabeth's boat (just after she was gifted it by Sao Feng) and she spits vitriol at him about choosing the wrong side. His conflict between order and the right is not shown, but presumably he goes and has a think about it.

4) His last scene has him letting Elizabeth and crew out of the brig of the Dutchman and letting them shimmy back to their boat via the lead ropes tied between the late Sao Feng's boat and the Dutchman.
Norrington tells Elizabeth, 'Our destinies were entwined, but never joined.' He kisses her and she's off on the ropes. Bootstrap Bill Turner, presumably half mad, discovers them and raises the alarm and dispatches Norrington. Davy Jones takes the Turner blade off Norrington.

Things I didn't understand the point of in the movie.
-Why did Calypso need to become so big. Why didn't she just become incorporeal once released?
-Why did Sao Feng call Elizabeth 'Calypso'?

Basically, the whole Calypso thing was a bit muddled. Maybe the deleted scenes will explain things a bit better.

Luckily Geoffrey Rush's character, Barbossa, saved the movie for me. Rush is an incredibly talented actor and to be honest I was a bit surprised to see him in the first movie.
One of the plot points is the 9 pieces of 8 (I don't get it either) which bind Calypso.
The pirate lords are asked to place their pieces in a trencher.
Except they're not pieces of 8. They're just bits.
Ragetti: These aren't pieces of 8!
Barbossa: Did you want to call them 'eight pieces of whatever we happened to have in our pockets'?

There is a bit after the credits. If you can't stand the wait, I'll tell you that Elizabeth presumably got pregnant during her one day with Will before he goes away to ferry souls. Elizabeth and child stand on a cliff watching the Dutchman reappear and sail towards them. Will stands in the rigging smiling as he sails along.

That was incredibly muddled. Ah, well.

I'm just disappointed, I suppose. I thought Pirates 1 was a tightly written, interesting film, and Pirates 2 and 3 were just sort of...there.

(Once/If you get around to seeing it) Let me know what you thought of the film.
24th-May-2007 02:20 pm (UTC)
I'll see it this weekend and since I'm going to a 10:45 showing, I hope I make it all the way through without dozing.
24th-May-2007 02:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the rec and the details about Norrington. Only four scenes ? That's really bad...

I will not go to see AWE, so I cannot give you an informed opinion, but according to my personal vibes and what I'm reading around, I think I pretty much agree with your impressions.
24th-May-2007 05:24 pm (UTC)
I'm not reading the bit behind the cut yet. I'll get back to you. As long as there's plenty of Depp I'm not overly worried about storylines it has to be said ;)
24th-May-2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
There is a metric ton of Depp. He's very funny, as I'm sure you'd imagine. :)
24th-May-2007 07:14 pm (UTC)
OMG I have to go and see this more than ever now! OMG THANK YOU for posting this! This movie goes almost EXACTLY as I hoped it would go! (Obviously, being a Norrington fan, there are some things I'm not as keen with, but... XP)

So as not to spoil anybody, I can explain the bulleted points under "Things I didn't understand the point of in the movie." if you want me to. E-mail me at cliodhnaglen@gmail.com if you'd like. :) I bought the AWE book, and it's explained more clearly there, since they went to the effort of writing out what the characters were thinking half the time.
24th-May-2007 08:10 pm (UTC)
You can go ahead and post in comments. :)
24th-May-2007 09:20 pm (UTC)
Orlando Bloom seemed to do some of his acting with his tongue, and I don't mean speaking or kissing. In a bizarre sort of way, it was well done.
Do you have n example I can shift my attention to during seeing the movie?
24th-May-2007 09:56 pm (UTC)
Scene: Elizabeth is sitting on the steps to belowdecks on the Dutchman Singapore junk Endeavor Black Pearl. (They do a lot of ship jumping.)
Will comes down to talk with her and ends up backing her up against one of the beams.

Commence tongue acting. :)

It's about midway through the film.
24th-May-2007 09:39 pm (UTC)
Thankyou for this!

I had heard rumours of norry's death and wasn't at all keen to believe them, but alas it happened. Bit sad tho' how he wasn't in it for long. As you said, the deleted scenes may expand on it all.
24th-May-2007 10:48 pm (UTC)
;__; Beckett.....

What a fucking awesome way to go, how 'the matrix' of him...
24th-May-2007 10:53 pm (UTC)
It was awesome.

I kept worrying about things going in his eyes though. Absurd. :)
24th-May-2007 11:01 pm (UTC)
Well, in spite of your rough review (I didn't read the spoilers this morning), I went to see the film tonight because I already had tickets. I'm glad you were so harsh because I actually enjoyed it a bit more than I probably would've otherwise. It was funnier than 2, though like you say, not nearly as tightly written as 1. The thing is: sequels to films not actually meant to have sequels tend to redo all the stuff that people liked in the first film (e.g., the tweedle-dee duo, Jack losing his ship, etc.).

The Calypso plotline was a bit unnecessary and muddled, I agree. The bottom line for me, though, is that the ending was very unsatisfactory, and felt cheap. I'm normally one for going against stereotype, or something against expectation, but part of the comedy genre is the 'happy ending,' and I must say, this one didn't deliver. It's version of a twist struck me as oddly off-balanced. Purely subjective, I know. Ooops, I missed the post-credits bit. But that's okay; we have gotten sucked in (by very ODD circumstances) to seeing the film again on Wednesday. At least I'll have something to look forward to. -Jake
25th-May-2007 06:12 am (UTC)
Great to read your thoughts. I too, and disappointed (or more appropriately GUTTED) at the lack of Norrington and the way they basically wrote him out. Don't even get me started on this.

I have a feeling this film is going to get shocking reviews. A lot of fans of the films are not impressed and that is not even starting on the general public. Sure, it will make oodles of money, but... what is the point when you haven't lived up to the hype? But sequels never do.

I actually thought Orlando Bloom's acting has got better. Finally.
25th-May-2007 10:11 am (UTC)
Thanks for this oh-so-much-needed information!
Could you please make one particular thing clear: did J.N.'s staying on Dutchman somehow help Elizabeth and others escape or did he stay just because he didn't want to join them? I'm totally confused.
25th-May-2007 02:05 pm (UTC)
Well, he did distract Davy Jones and company long enough for Elizabeth et al to shimmy across the ropes. But if he'd been clever he could have hopped on, cut the ropes, and clung and climbed. I honestly think in the end he couldn't bring himself to be a pirate but he COULD bring himself to die well and honorably.
25th-May-2007 11:41 am (UTC)
Okay- I'm so totally with you on essentually all of this. Barbossa was my favorite character from movie one. Barbossa just = badass. And Geffery Rush = teh AWESOME. I in fact have a Barbossa action figure on my desk, looking at me as I type... right next to my Norrington one.

This movie didn't renew my faith in the series, but it didn't crush it, either. It's very... there. I kinda refuse to believe that two exists, in most ways. It was just... bad. Not that I don't own it and find it enjoyable, on occation (I mean dude- Pirates, hot men, and fun visuals), it was just... a bad movie.

*sigh* I just got back, from our first showing here at home... I really should go to bed, now. :P

25th-May-2007 03:03 pm (UTC)
Geoffrey Rush=the AWESOME
Hurrah, another fan. :)

I can't hate the movie, but I don't love it.

It's just kindof there and I wish it was so much more.
25th-May-2007 07:12 pm (UTC)
I agree that both DMC and AWE suffered from sequel syndrome. They were interesting and I enjoyed bits of them, but I like the possibilities opened by Curse of the Black Pearl much more than I like any of the answers they proposed to those possibilities.
26th-May-2007 12:15 am (UTC)
Thanks for your review.

I think one reviwer said it great...the first movie didnt take itself to seriously, but the last two sure did. They tried to make them complex with so many twists and turns. Why? Who knows. Its a freakin action movie! Stop talking, more action...

And the death roaster is way too large.

T&T said that Norrington was very important in this movie. really? Hmm. How so? He doesnt do anything but save Elizabeth. Thats important?
26th-May-2007 12:21 am (UTC)
Hmph. Yeah, that's 'important'. I suppose it actually is, if you take the movies at face value. She's the heroine and saving her would be the most important thing.

However, for those of us who love the Navyboys, it's not as important. :)
26th-May-2007 02:48 am (UTC)
Barbossa sort of implied that Elizabeth was Calypso, to use her as a bargaining chip with Sao Feng. That's what that was about.
26th-May-2007 05:10 am (UTC)
I think it would have been more interesting if he went with her, fought in the huge battle, and was her guardian protector during those 10 years, or the rest ofher life. That would have been more powerful I think..cause yet again he gives her up and allows her to have her one night with Will.

The whole death thing is so overrated and tiresome in movies.

And I'm really tired of Norrington being dumped on throughout the triology. Throw the guy a freakin bone!
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