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Thoughts Like Music
...original soundtrack not available...you'll thank us...
Open Letters 
25th-Sep-2008 12:58 pm
[blah or mildly irritated]
Dear Men Going Bald,

I realize that this must be a traumatic time, though I personally cannot empathise. I imagine it must be like losing a close friend.
However, just as you would not keep a dead friend propped up at your dinner table or ride around with him in the car, you should not try to keep the corpse of what, I'm sure, was a prized crop of follicles around once there are only 4 or 5 members left.
Shave it off.
Look at Patrick Stewart, Arnold Vosloo, Bruce Willis, Samuel Jackson, Ben Kingsley, Stanley Tucci, and so forth.
Even better, listen to interviews that Patrick Stewart gave about being in the lime light and bald.
Ditch the combover.

Cordially,
Me

--------------

Dear Freshers,

I know it's just a whoop-it-up moment of excitement for you, all fresh and mentally squeaky clean coming to university for the first time.
I'm thrilled that you are seeking knowledge.
However, please refrain from:
-littering
-screaming causelessly just outside my office window
-puking on the sidewalks of Union Street
-urinating on the side streets
-asking if you are in X place when you are standing just under an enormous sign that says 'X Office'

Love conditionally,
Me

---------------

Dear National Trust for Scotland,

You have the bitchiest tour guides ever.
I've already sent you a note to the offending locale, but here it is for the world to see.
Thanks for confirming that I made the right choice in that Life Membership to Historic Scotland.

Absolutely, positively no love,
Me

--------------

Dear Me,

You are going to fail this PhD unless you learn to love writing.
The keyboard is not your enemy.
Reading books about the Crimean War when you're supposed to be writing about rocks is completely useless.
Cease.

Yours, etc.

--------------

Dear Office Mate,

Unless you're deaf, you should probably turn down your headphone volume.
It's really distracting.

Unfailingly in resignation,
The person just behind you
comments 
25th-Sep-2008 12:06 pm (UTC)
Ah Freshers. The f'ing imbeciles. In their pyjamas. With cider...
25th-Sep-2008 12:11 pm (UTC)
Fun day?
25th-Sep-2008 02:13 pm (UTC)
The funnest. < /sarcasm >

And you?
25th-Sep-2008 12:16 pm (UTC)
Rocks??
25th-Sep-2008 01:12 pm (UTC)
can i add my name before you send them? ;)
25th-Sep-2008 01:13 pm (UTC)
Haha, the first one totally cracked me up!

xx
25th-Sep-2008 01:14 pm (UTC)
*shakes head sadly* I think I was that fresher. Oops. And I didn't even have the grace to do it in Fresher's week, as I was far too stressed at that point.

Plz to be adding my boy to Men Who Have Accepted Fate Gracefully and Look Good Bald (SHAVED! he says).
25th-Sep-2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
Good on him! :)
25th-Sep-2008 03:09 pm (UTC)
That's weird about the tour guides. I've found the NT guides in England are always really friendly, polite and knowledgable. Also they leave you alone if you want to be alone, which is how I prefer to view a site. I avoid guided tours when at all possible.
25th-Sep-2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
There's a song called Bald Headed Men by a group called Four Bitchin Babes. :)
25th-Sep-2008 05:29 pm (UTC)
Dear Madam

you have won the Best Entry of the Week award

Yours sincerely
Sameen
25th-Sep-2008 05:30 pm (UTC)
Aww. Cheers!
25th-Sep-2008 06:00 pm (UTC)
Haha, I have to admit these cracked me up XD
Sorry you're having a rough time though *hugs*
25th-Sep-2008 06:27 pm (UTC)
But the Crimean War (or whatever else is intellectually stimulating and isn't *work*) is so ****cool*****!

:-D

Been there, done that, probably going to do it again...

Now, off to ponder in the mirror and try to decide if the time for razoring has finally come...
25th-Sep-2008 11:16 pm (UTC)
LOL, thanks for sharing, you made me laugh! I totally fall into the category of "freshers".... And I'm guilty of all of the above *hangs head*

I'm sorry, I'll try to be a better "freshie" in future (freshie... I love that word)
26th-Sep-2008 05:52 pm (UTC)
My husband shaves his head.
Once it's gone you gotta move on!
29th-Sep-2008 07:38 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I'm reading this late - but they're really good and I hope that Friday and today were much better!

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