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Thoughts Like Music
...original soundtrack not available...you'll thank us...
Fast As You Can 
11th-Jan-2004 05:48 pm

I let the beast in too soon, I don't know how to live
Without my hand on his throat; I fight him always and still
Everything is so fucked up. You think you know how to fix
things but it's only a matter of time before they will pull you down
one more time.

Oh darling, it's so sweet, you think you know how crazy
How crazy I am
I am having some success with meds for the migraines. I still
don't think anyone will ever understand how crazy they make me
feel. I'm trying so hard to come clean about them. They aren't just
a headache. I fear losing friends or the possibility of friends because
of them.

You say you don't spook easy, you won't go, but I know
And I pray that you will
The side effects of a low self-esteem, wanting people so badly to be
around but at the same time pushing them away for fear that they will see
the bad things that perhaps only you can notice.

Fast as you can, baby run free yourself of me
Fast as you can
Go, go, go, go...

I may be soft in your palm but I'll soon grow
Hungry for a fight, and I will not let you win
I know my worst character trait is shooting myself in the foot.
The close second is the ability to find problems that don't

My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man
Why must I be the one who frames the apologia?
I am ever the one who remain the thinker?

So if you catch me trying to find my way into your
Heart from under your skin
I'll never be yours, you'll never be mine. Why, why
why, why, why?

Fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can
Go, go, go, go...

Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift
But most of the time, it does
I was so good at thinking, but my mind is a
traitor now. I can't do anything right and the one
thing that I always excelled at is slipping through
my fingers.

And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift
Or I'll drown in the wonders and the was
I think sometimes it would be easier just to stop
all of this and work at something mindless. Who cares
what I'm good at? Who gives a fuck about ancient
languages other than a handful of people?

And I'll be your girl, if you say it's a gift
And you give me some more of your drugs
I'd fall in love so easily...and I'd stay that way.
My loyalty is monumental. I have nowhere to put it,
and I fear that any affection is drug like to me.

Yeah, I'll be your pet, if you just tell me it's a gift
Always the one without the power...
'Cause I'm tired of whys, choking on whys,
Just need a little because, because
I know the why's sometimes. 'Why do I have no
clean shirt? Because I did no laundry.' But sometimes there is
no answer. 'Why am I so utterly alone? ...'

I let the beast in and then;
I even tried forgiving him, but it's too soon
So I embrace this part of myself...but doesn't
that just make the problem worse?

So I'll fight again, again, again, again, again.
I'm so tired, so mentally broken.
And for a little while more, I'll soar the
Uneven wind, complain and blame
The sterile land
Everything demands a reason, a person to
blame or a circumstance to take fault.

But if you're getting any bright ideas, quiet dear
I'm blooming within
Don't try to fix me, because even with all this
bad, I know that I'm the only one that can repair
the damage. And the makings of the fix are already

Fast as you can, baby wait watch me, I'll be out
Fast as I can, maybe late but at least about
Fast as you can leave me, let this thing
Run its route
Go, go, go, go...
11th-Jan-2004 05:39 pm (UTC)
Big shifter style Matt Hefner is in my room, he says "hi jyll"
11th-Jan-2004 06:13 pm (UTC)
*waves* Hi Matt!
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